NOTE: None of these are on Amazon, especially not the World’s Greatest Failure Mug. 

The holidays are weird. You never really know what to get your family, so you settle for the bare minimum. “World’s Okayest Dad” mug for your father, a Macy’s gift card for your mother, and a simple “Santa didn’t even want to give you coal, you gremlin” wisecrack at your sibling.

But let’s be honest–these gifts are basic. BORING. Maybe your dad is sick of the mugs, and you can’t hold off your mother, who swears on her tea that she’ll disown you if she gets another gift card. So here are some amazing gifts to get your family this Christmas,  for better or for worse.

1. Louvre Jewels 

Ah, the Louvre jewels. We’ve all heard of them this past week–stolen from the museum, in 8 minutes, with nothing but a ladder and confidence. Some say they might never come back–but luckily, we managed to find them on Amazon! 

For the great deal of $67.99, you can buy these original, beautiful pieces of jewelry for that special someone. Girlfriend, mother, your Aunt Kelly–it works for everyone! It’s a beautiful present that will surely earn you attention as a gift-giving, loving, and imaginative person.

2. “World’s Greatest Unfailure” Mug

In this world, you’ve got to take what you can get. If your kids get this for you on Christmas instead of another hair growth product, consider it a win. With this World’s Greatest Unfailure Mug from Amazon, you can feel like you’re on top of the world–or at least on top of your couch. It’s only $65.99! Plus, the Arial font comes across as lively as soaked socks on a rainy day! Just great, isn’t it?

3. Great Gatsby book 

Trump’s Gatsby themed party. We all know about it. Wild, gaudy, and really ironic, considering many were losing SNAP benefits across the country. Very Gatsby, isn’t it? 

For those Republican uncles and aunts who can’t stop ranting about the Great Gatsby party and how Trump “isn’t in the wrong for this”, get the Great Gatsby, by F. Scott Fitzgerald! It’s a unique gift that’ll actually educate your relatives about what the Great Gatsby really IS about. For only 15.99, you can educate your own flesh and blood instead of taking the time and energy to argue with them.

In conclusion, the holidays can be weird, but with these gifts, it’s sure to spice up your Christmas, and maybe even your life!