During the Teacher’s Convention long weekend, RDA’s reporters successfully followed two people who work in managing Ridge High School’s finances and infiltrated their headquarters (unfortunately we were not given permission to reveal their true names or occupations). 

Below is a transcript of the events, written exactly as they were seen and heard, with only brief edits for clarity:

It’s close to midnight and two people in crisp suits sit on recliners on the third floor of their superyacht, dark black briefcases placed by their side. 

“Frank, how much have we made this month?” asks the lady in the red, hereafter known as Rita.

The man, whom we now understand to be Frank, responds. “We’ve profited around $16 million – a little on the low end for the vending machine sales, but with students cramming for all those tests we’ve scheduled at the end of the marking period, coffee sales are at an all-time high”. 

Rita takes a deep breath to control her disappointment.

Tapping her nails in a perfectly balanced rhythm, she steadies her voice. “What’s the exact breakdown?” 

“Around $2.5 million from the coffee, $3.6 million from the Kickstart drinks, and the remaining $9.9 million from the vending machine sales”. 

“I guess we could deal with that. HR is going to make us do another snack analysis though, and this time, I refuse to do it by myself. Thank god for these freshmen though – they’ve consumed more Kickstart than all the previous years did”.  

“If it weren’t for all the profits, I’d probably be concerned for their health,”remarks Frank. “But, alas, even if they die of caffeine addictions at 25, at least we’ll have our mansions”. 

“And, no one’s going to come after us — it’s in the contract”.  Rita turns to Frank, smiling for the first time. 

The silence is filled with the clacking of aggressive typing. 

Rita speaks once again, “Congrats on the test scheduling by the way – five each day is genius”

“Thank you – especially with the trip to the Maldives on the line, I knew we had to do everything possible to up those coffee sales”. 

“Yes, of course,” She pauses for a second. “Oh, and Frank – any word on the spending breakdown? I’ve – well – you know, got to play with the numbers a little bit”. 

“Yes, yes of course – the plans were released yesterday.” Reaching into his briefcase, Frank pulls out a stack of papers, shifting through them until he lands on the right one. Clearing his throat, he began, saying, “Well, of course, we’ve already made the Aramark payments, so those are out of the question. But – er – it says here 54% is for AP classes, 29% for the ‘Fiscal Oversight Administration Budget’, 15% for Maintenance and Repairs, and 2% for the mental health program”. 

“What in the world is this ‘Fiscal Oversight Budget” Rita asks curtly, glaring at Frank.

“OH! I forgot to mention – that’s us. I came up with the name myself — don’t you like it?”

Rita blinks her eyes for a second, shaking her head in apparent disbelief. “Um, sure – though maybe refrain from switching it every year? The board might get suspicious.”

“Trust me, with all the money we’re throwing into their  AP classes, they won’t blink an eye. And, they’re already dealing with those Ridge High parents – no way they have time for this.” 

“True, true. Well then Frank,  I’ll make the deposits tomorrow. Until then, let’s celebrate the end of the first marking period and the start of our vacation!”

At this moment, our reporters at RDA realized that Frank and Rita were heading into the rooms of the yacht and thus began their getaway. Our reporters will continue on their mission to uncover the inner workings of the caffeine monopoly at Ridge High School and urge you to reach out at @tips.rda.com if you notice anything suspicious.