When you are stuck on a question in class, do you raise your hand? Or do you stay quiet and subdue your question? While asking for help may sound simple and easy, for some people, it’s not as easy as you would think. Although it is in part society’s fault, many students tend to avoid asking help from others because they feel a sense of inferiority, don’t want to hand the reins over to anyone else, or don’t want to be judged by others.
In today’s society, we are trained to answer our questions independently by using utilities such as self-help sections of our library, search engines, and bookstores. “After growing up and learning how to solve things by yourself, it may seem odd to promote the idea that we need to learn better ways to ask for and receive assistance,” Alina Tugend of The New York Times explains.”But what happens when we can’t find the answer independently?
When the situation of requesting help from others dawns on students, they seem to panic. In an anonymous poll conducted by the newspaper, many students stated that they didn’t want to ask for help for fear of belittling themselves.
As Sam Cho ’16 briefly states, “Generally people are reluctant [to ask for help] because they don’t want to seem inferior to their peers.” And he’s right: no one likes to feel indebted. But asking for help isn’t something that puts people in debt; it’s actually very common amongst people of all ages. Nevertheless, our desire to maintain our large egos and the idea of perfection that we strive for make it hard for us to admit that we need help.
Our personal ego problems also result in us worrying about others’ reactions as well.The poll also showed that the students were afraid of how others would react when they asked for help. These students are plagued with thoughts such as ‘What if they think I’m stupid? Will they laugh at me?’ Carolyn Wang ’17 affirms these thoughts as she describes, “We think that our questions are foolish and obvious; thus we are afraid that others may judge us for asking for help.”
However, ego problems and belittling oneself are also due to growth. Psychologists have shown that as we grow older, we become more reluctant to rely on others. Ms. Devlin, a freshman Health teacher, Physical Education teacher, and renowned golf coach explains how “as toddlers and children, all we do is ask questions and ask for help. Somewhere along the line, we lose that innocence. I believe from within that we train ourselves to try to solve our own problems, and not to ‘bother’ others in fear that others will laugh at us or define us as incapable.”
Although we live in a society focused on the image of perfection, we have to see through the blurry illusion and admit to ourselves that yes, we do need help. We also have to realize that no one is pathetic for asking questions. Sure, people may judge you, but ultimately you get the help that you need, right? In fact, asking for help is a sign of courage, self-confidence, and maturity. Despite the fact that it may seem frightening to ask for help, George Addair once said, “Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.” So take the chance and ask for help. You’ll thank yourself in the long run.