The category of “Facebook posts that actually get more than 20 likes” is a small and select one, made up of new profile photos (and of those, mainly girls’), college acceptances… and promposals.

This might lead you to believe that everybody loves a good promposal, no matter how many inundate your feed come late winter and early spring.  Complete with a mediocre pun, an endearingly sloppy sign, and maybe some candy, these promposals interrupt the everyday monotony of school with something reminiscent of a feel-good romance movie.  Who-got-what-on-that-last-test is replaced by who’s-with-who whisperings, allowing cutthroat students—all too concerned with job scarcity and salary charts—to experience the heady high of being young.  Girls feel pretty and desired; boys feel emboldened and reckless.  Nonetheless, what lies underneath saccharine smiles isn’t always as sweet as the chocolate you see in the picture.

Though promposals should provide relief from school stress, sometimes their introduction into the school year evokes even more anxiety.  As soon as the first brave boy ventures into the unknown, it’s as if the first shot has been fired across the school battlefield, breaking the nervous anticipation of “promposal season.”

A tide of promposals follows suit, boys charging headfirst into the fray, frantically coloring posters overnight in the hopes of being the first to accost their sweetheart in the hallway with that special question.

“I think [promposals] are cute,” says Rahul Mirchandani, ’17, “but… they can be stressful.  As soon as one person promposes, everyone feels a rush to prompose as well.”

Still other boys feel pressured to one-up their friends, spending hours planning elaborate promposals that can, at times, involve the expenditure of hundreds of dollars.  According to a small telephone survey by Visa, Northeastern responders spent or planned to spend an average of $1169 on prom last year, a third of which covered the cost of a promposal [1].  Rightfully apprehensive of failure (not to mention a waste of money and time), some boys refuse to ask anyone at all, preferring to go “stag” rather than face rejection.

And how will these hasty preparations and exorbitant gifts be received?  If the answer is absolutely yes, then these promposals are sweet and cute, demonstrating a boy’s thoughtfulness (or wealth).  If the answer is no?

“As promposals have been getting more extravagant, you have to remember that public promposals put a lot of stress and pressure to both parties,” Ashley Cui ’16 reminds her Facebook friends.  “In any circumstance, unforeseen promposals end up with bad results.”

Confronted by a boy who put time, money and pride on the line—accompanied by an expectant cameraman and sometimes a small crowd of eager spectators—how can a girl say no?  Maybe she doesn’t like the boy asking; maybe she’s secretly hoping that another boy will ask; maybe she doesn’t want to go with any boy at all.  But if she gives any of these reasons, she will spark a wildfire of acerbic whisperings: she’s mean; she won’t go with anyone; she thinks she’s better than everyone else.

If prom is supposed to make girls feel like princesses, then perhaps this archaic custom is fitting: we can sit prettily in stone towers while princes compete for us, parading their charisma and strength and wealth in front of a crowd of excitable observers.

While promposals are a guy’s chance to phrase a sensitive question as something cheesy and casual, they leave little opportunity for girls to similarly declare their interests.  The closest thing a girl has to free choice is an underground network of gossipers, who keep track of potential options for every boy and sniff out a girl’s propensity to say yes prior to the promposal.  Though girls purport (correctly) to be just as assertive as boys, we are told to rely on others to “get the word out,” discreetly hinting at whom we like.  Personally, I would rather ask a guy out on my own than rely on such labyrinthine procedures.

Of course, to be honest, I can’t imagine how disheartening it would be for a boy if a girl he asked said no.  I can’t fathom the pressure that boys feel to “man up” and to ask a girl that they admire to prom.  But I also don’t understand how the current promposal culture in any way mitigates fear.  Though public promposals can coerce a girl to say yes, do you truly want to go to prom with a half-hearted date?  If there’s anything that promposals should learn from the romantic movies they vaguely emulate, it should be that loving someone means wanting the best for him or her.  Regardless of whether you’re just friends or something more, you should want your date to be happy more than you want someone next to you in your pre-prom pictures.

Promposals are cute and entertaining, and even I would regret their disappearance.  Despite their innate charm, however, they are not perfect.  The question “Will you go to prom with me?” should not require a rubric: Did you make a poster? Did you spent money on miscellaneous gifts? Is your camera ready? Are you a boy?  Asking someone to prom should be something private, solely between the asker and the asked.   If the answer is yes, only then should you make a poster or buy flowers to ask publicly (that is, if you want).

Rest assured: the pun will be just as ridiculous, the poster just as amusing, the candy just as sweet.  And as for the feel-good love story for which we all search, it will truly feel good for everyone—the one asking, the one asked, and all the expectant onlookers alike.

[1]        “Cost of High School “Promposals” Hits $324.” PR Newswire. UBM Plc, 31 Mar. 2015.
Web. 13 Mar. 2016.